“‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” and Other Horror Stories

Speaking of 'non-human intelligence," remind me why God would even want to come save us?

Welcome to another installment of Life Its Ownself. I offer insight, analysis and context on Texas and national politics, as well as entertaining stories of life its ownself in the Lone Star State. If you like what you read, please 1) smash the Like button at the bottom of this installment, 2) subscribe to this newsletter, and 3) tell your 1,000 best friends to read and subscribe. Also, feel free to comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

---

But first, your moment of Zen … Last year my friend, the hyper-talented photographer Mark Cunningham, created this fun Christmas image of the Mule Ears in Big Bend National Park. I used it with his permission. Thanks for letting me share it again, Mark!

---

December 24, 2024

The Night Before Christmas, Texas-Style

(with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, which by the way sounds like a totally made-up name.)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the village

The children were dreaming of loot and of pillage

The well-wrapped gifts they’d tear up in a minute

While their parents slowed them by asking, “What’s in it?”

When suddenly there came such a clang and a clatter

The men grabbed their flashlights and climbed up their ladders

To espy in the heavens what looked like some drones

Coming towards town, coming towards homes.

The sheriff and fire chief mustered the men

And told them to be on their guard, and then

They turned their eyes to the heavenly lights

That slowly drew closer each hour of the night.

“Keep a watch out for a little green man,

Or maybe a drone the size of a van.

Or Starlink satellites crashing to earth,

All on the night of our Dear Savior’s birth.”

But as the lights grew closer, they began to hear

The bold voice of Santa and the grunts of his deer

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!”

They could now see the sleigh as it came in to land

The children had come out to wave and to stand.

And that was when a young kid from Killeen

Blew Rudolph to bits with an AR-15.

---

The Decline and Fall of the American Empire

The poem above represents a dark and weird journey on my part. It started out as a humorous riff on the hubbub about drones, some of which reached all the way to Marathon. It probably did not help that my friend James Moore published an excellent essay Sunday about UFOs, UAPs and – a new one to me – NHIs [non-human intelligences]). As I wrote, combining drone paranoia with Santa’s sleigh with American gun violence proved too tempting for me.

Perhaps we’ve gotten more serious about intelligence ‘out there’ as we’ve watched intelligence drain out of the American people like water down a storm sewer.

This is not a Trump rant, although it could easily be one. The sad truth is that we, the American people, have been getting sillier and less serious for at least a generation. I saw the other day that “The Kardashians” so-called ‘reality’ TV show is now in its 20^thseason – what more proof do you need of our decadence?

Part of the problem is that we won everything and got every boon we’d ever wanted. The American people of the 21^st Century are the richest, safest, most powerful, most well-fed, most healthy collection of humans in history. Perhaps, like any domesticated animal, we’ve lost the survival instincts that made each generation tougher and faster and smarter than the last. The great Austin singer-songwriter Guy Forsyth magnificently captures the spirit and energy of our decline in his song, “Long, Long Time.”

But now the bill is starting to come due.

---

What Does Christmas Even Mean Anymore?

What does Christmas offer us in these times? What message does it have to address the profound vacuity of the moment? Is it just an increasingly-secular and commercialized holiday – get it over with, then hit the post-Xmas sales – or is there some deeper meaning to it?

If church attendance is any guide, Christmas as a spiritual event is in decline. Only 47% of Americans report going to church at Christmas, versus 61% who attended a decade ago. 48% report not attending, up 10 percent from a decade ago.

One of the biblical images I’ve always loved is that of the angel stirring the water at the pool of Bethesda. The story is actually disheartening– the first person who jumps in the pool after the angel stirs it is healed of disease. This is one-at-a-time, retail salvation from the stingy God of the Old Testament. One would hope the magically-stirred water could heal at least a few people, or maybe even everyone who happened to be lingering around the pool that day.

But I digress. My enchantment with the image has always been with the idea of a heavenly presence coming from outside the womb of space and time to intervene in this world. Which, when you think about it, is what the Jesus birth story is all about. If the Christmas story means anything, then this must be the point: God emerges into human history — becomes incarnate — in the shape of a person. He delivers a message, teaching us a new way to live and treat each other. That message is intended to guide us in how we lead our lives into the future.

I will leave you to comment on his success or failure in the endeavor. Wasn’t it Gandhi who said, “I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians?”

---

My Favorite Christmas Carol

I am not the type to play Christmas music during the holidays, much less year ‘round. (I know people who do. I bet you do as well.) Secular Christmas music, from “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to “Jingle Bells” to “Last Christmas” – well, to paraphrase Austin Powers, it’s not my bag, baby. And while I certainly have belted out the classic carols in my day – “O Come, All Ye Faithful,” “Joy To The World,” even “Little Drummer Boy” – they’re not my idea of a holiday playlist.

My favorite Christmas carol since I first heard it years ago is Jackson Browne’s “Rebel Jesus,” which challenges our modern Christmas experience with a prophetic rendering of Jesus’s message in a sweet, melancholy and ultimately hopeful song. I’ll leave you with a version of him singing the song, along with some of its lyrics.

…

And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if anyone of us should interfere
In the business of why there are poor
They get the same as the rebel Jesus.

But pardon me if I have seemed
To take the tone of judgement
For I've no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In a life of hardship and of earthly toil
There's a need for anything that frees us
So I bid you pleasure and I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel Jesus.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!