Three-Point Shots, Vol. 2, No. 3: May 14, 2024
In the wacky world of Texas politics, Henry Cuellar gets indicted and RFK, Jr. makes it onto the ballot. Meanwhile, some MAGA House candidates issue a Contract on Texas.
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Tuesday, May 14, 2024
The “Contract with Texas” is a cynical attempt to undermine democracy and disenfranchise millions of Texans. But you already knew that.
A group of right-wing Texas House members and candidates, at the behest of reactionary megadonor Tim Dunn, have published a “Contract with Texas,” mostly as a publicity stunt to validate their extremist credentials. They are using it as a litmus test in the primary runoffs later this month and, presumably, will agitate for its adoption when the House assembles next January.
You’d think that the Contract contains policy prescriptions that unite the signers, like a total abortion ban or mandatory vouchers. It turns out, however, that these policies are unpopular with most Texans and so are not addressed.
Instead, the Contract proposes structural changes to the House and its operations, the goal of which are to concentrate power in the minority of the majority and to completely disempower the Democratic House members who, it should be noted, represent almost 13 million Texans. Here are some of their “reform” proposals:
1. Only solicit support for Speakership from Republican members
2. End the practice of awarding Democrats with committee chairmanships
3. Ensure all GOP legislative priorities receive a floor vote before any Democrat bills …
There are 12 in all, but you get the idea. The main thrust is to eliminate the power-sharing between Republicans and Democrats which has been a feature of the House operating system for at least 30 years. And, as the first proposal suggests, it sets the stage for a bruising effort to depose Speaker Dade Phelan, assuming he survives his primary runoff at the end of this month.
These extremists complain that any majority, no matter how slim, should grant their party carte blanche to run the House as they see fit and enact laws that advance the MAGA agenda.
Of course, this approach is not unheard of in our polity. The U.S. Congress operates in this manner, whether under Democrats or Republicans – to the majority, no matter how narrow, go all the spoils. And here in Texas, Lite Guv Dan Patrick has shown a willingness to move the goalposts so that legislation in the Texas Senate can advance with only Republican votes, thereby rendering the 12 Democratic senators close to superfluous.
Only five members of the House have signed it, including oddballs such as Tony Tinderholt and Nate Schatzline, both of whom have received attention in this newsletter. The other signatories are right-wing candidates supported by Tim Dunn and his network of dark money organizations in his jihad against apostate House members who did not vote correctly, either to protect Ken Paxton from his own corruption or to impose vouchers upon Texas schools.
My take: Tim Dunn, Farris Wilks and their ilk are in the middle of an unprecedented effort to buy an entire chamber of the Legislature. This is not the first time plutocrats have thrown around unseemly sums of money to purchase legislative influence – who can forget Bo Pilgrim handing out checks on the Senate floor or the “owners’ box” of developers and oil and gas executives during Tom Craddick’s tenure as Speaker? – but the current excesses are not about “bidness,” they are about ideology.
RFK, Jr.’s Brain Worm Gets Onto Texas Ballot
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., whose mental faculties have been controlled since at least 2012 by a parasitic brain worm, announced at an Austin rally today that his campaign has submitted more than enough signatures to place his name on the presidential ballot in Texasthis fall.
This is the first time a brain worm has made it onto a presidential ballot, although not, to be honest, the first time a parasite has.
According to his campaign, RFK, Jr. and his worm overlord (pictured below) are now on the ballot in a total of 15 states.
My take: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.’s career seems to have gone through three arcs: 1) brilliant environmental lawyer and scion of the most magical name in American politics; 2) formerly brilliant environmental lawyer who became a rabid anti-vaxxer and a shill for conspiracy theories, and 3) brain worm-controlled conspiracy theorist and anti-vaxxer running for president. He will, if anything, only be a spoiler in the presidential race, in which case he will live out his days in infamy or become commissioner of the NFL.
Henry Cuellar Gets Indicted
Henry Cuellar, who has represented a South Texas congressional district for two decades and was a state representative for 12 years before that, has been indicted for bribery and money laundering along with his wife, Imelda.
According to the Department of Justice,
they allegedly accepted approximately $600,000 in bribes from two foreign entities: an oil and gas company wholly owned and controlled by the Government of Azerbaijan, and a bank headquartered in Mexico City. The bribe payments were allegedly laundered, pursuant to sham consulting contracts, through a series of front companies and middlemen into shell companies owned by Imelda Cuellar, who performed little to no legitimate work under the contracts. In exchange for the bribes paid by the Azerbaijani oil and gas company, Congressman Cuellar allegedly agreed to use his office to influence U.S. foreign policy in favor of Azerbaijan. In exchange for the bribes paid by the Mexican bank, Congressman Cuellar allegedly agreed to influence legislative activity and to advise and pressure high-ranking U.S. Executive Branch officials regarding measures beneficial to the bank.
Cuellar and his wife have denied all wrongdoing. However, two longtime political consultants for Cuellar – the “middlemen” in the scheme – have already taken plea deals for their roles in the case and are cooperating with the DOJ.
My take: Henry Cuellar is the proverbial “man without a country,” widely distrusted by Democrats and targeted by Republicans. He runs as a Democrat, but is anti-abortion, anti-immigrant, and anti-labor. He narrowly survived primary challenges by Jessica Cisneros in 2020 and 2022, in the latter with a boost from then-Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Surely his legal troubles will move him up the GOP’s target list for this fall – will national Democrats invest the money and political capital it may take to hold his seat?
Some reading for you …
Senators, including so-called “grown up” John Cornyn, demagogue an attempt to advance a new “Dream Act.”
I haven’t yet read any Colleen Hoover books. But apparently, millions of people have read the East Texan’s oeuvre. I hope she writes some more.
Texas Monthly’s brilliant Alexandra Samuels spent 38 minutes with Ted Cruz. That’s 38 more than I could have managed.
Richmond-area Congressman and MAGA clown Troy Nehls, still under serious investigation
Austin's theme has now become the Texas theme, "Keep Texas weird."
What a kooky kast of karakters you’ve written about this week, Deece. I guess there aren’t many normal pols left in Texas to write about, huh?