Slouching Into 2025
If the first 10 days are any indication, this year is going to be a doozy. Can we just skip to 2026?
Welcome to another installment of Life Its Ownself. I offer insight, analysis and context on Texas and national politics, as well as entertaining stories of life its ownself in the Lone Star State. If you like what you read, please 1) smash the Like button at the bottom of this installment, 2) subscribe to this newsletter, and 3) tell your 1,000 best friends to read and subscribe. Also, feel free to comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Friday, January 10, 2025
New Year’s Day was 10 days ago, so I guess it’s about time to look forward to 2025, to think about what it will be like, and who we want to be as we navigate it.
To be honest, I wouldn’t mind if we just skipped ahead to 2026. 2025 will take a dreadful toll on the pysche, both national and individual, for reasons that are evident to any reader of this newsletter.
Of course, I said the same thing about skipping 2024. And 2023. And I don’t know how far back. New Years don’t live up to their promises of growth and renewal like they used to. Most of us, by October at the latest, are ready to admit defeat and pray for the next year.
But I’m ready to cry “Uncle” and jump ahead to 2026 already. Let’s review the first 10 days of this year to see what it presages for the next 355.
This has been in the mix for a while, but Donald Trump has renewed his call for the U.S. to annex/invade/purchase Greenland. This has always been a mystery to me: Greenland is controlled by an ally and poses no threat to us. (It does stand in the way of Vladimir Putin’s desire to seize and control Arctic shipping lanes so Russia can project its power “over the top,” so to speak. But why would Trump care about that?)
To get an insider’s view of the issue, I emailed my friend Vinnie Lamponero, who, you may recall, works in the bowels of one of the three-letter organizations who the MAGAts like to deride as the Deep State, to ask him about Greenland. I did not hear back, but this morning received an unsolicited email from a “Mark Felt” that I’ve decided is actually Vinnie. Here is what he had to say:
The Greenland takeover has moved far beyond the bullshitting stage. Trump’s liaisons to the Department of Defense are planning an invasion of Greenland if it will not voluntarily join the United States. Curiously, the planners have insisted that all maps of the proposed invasion show Greenland as it appears via Mercator projection, which makes it appear 14 times larger than it is. No matter how many times his aides try to explain Mercator projection to him, Trump does not get it, and believes Greenland is the size of the African continent. Hence the skewed maps.
Trump, in another stroke of performative trollery, on Monday proposed renaming the Gulf of Mexico as the “Gulf of America,” adding, with the eloquence that has made him so famous, “ … What a beautiful name, and it’s appropriate.” I look forward to four more years of such oratory!
The president of Mexico, Claudia Sheinbaum, figured one good troll deserves another, so she proposed renaming the North American continent as “America Mexicana,” or “Mexican America” for my English-only readers.
“That sounds nice, no?” she deadpanned sarcastically.[i] She also pointed out that the Gulf of Mexico has been called that since at least 1607.
Meanwhile, no less significant an historical figure than Marjorie Taylor Greene is drafting legislation to implement her Dear Leader’s wishes.
The Orange Mad King’s enthusiasm for world conquest may have taken a hit from his sentencing as a convicted felon this morning, and the realization that Special Counsel Jack Smith’s reports, which he had fought to suppress, will enter the public domain as soon as next week.
(Speaking of Mexico, here’s a map of when Texas was a Mexican province.)
Meanwhile, here at home, the 89th Texas Legislature convenes next Tuesday. Start with first principles: “No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.”
As of now, the political attention is focused on the House, where none of the three candidates – Republicans David Cook and Dustin Burrows, and Democrat Ana-Maria Ramos – has the necessary votes to become Speaker on Tuesday. The situation could change between now and Tuesday – Governor Greg Abbott, Lite Guv Dan Patrick, Disgraced AG Ken Paxton, and GOP party chair Abraham George are all out stumping for Cook. Tempers have shortened: the Dallas County GOP is threatening to censure two House members for supporting Burrows, and a pro-Burrows state rep filed an ethics complaint against George, accusing him of legislative bribery. It’s possible that the Speaker’s race will not be decided on Tuesday, or even next week. Shades of Kevin McCarthy!!
Meanwhile, across the rotunda, we learn that Senator Tan Parker has been elected to head the Senate GOP Caucus under the ever-vigilant tutelage of Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick. This is roughly equivalent to being the Prefect of Police in Casablanca under Major Strasser. Vice Chair Mayes Middleton does the heavy lifting: he will threaten a million-dollar primary challenge to anyone who strays from Lieutenant Dan’s lead.
Fort Worth was once famous for a collection of extraordinary art museum, including the Kimbell, the Amon Carter Museum of American Art, and the Modern Art Museum. Each was lavishly housed, elegantly appointed and full to the brim with priceless works of art. And they were all within walking distance of each other!
This cornucopia of great art had two driving forces – the nouveau riche oilman’sdesire to look cultured, and Fort Worth’s undying inferiority complex vis-à-vis Dallas. But it was a win-win for art and for the good and decent people of Fort Worth.
Unfortunately, the political leadership of Tarrant County has been infected with brain worms. As a consequence, they have lost their collective sh*t over a photograohic exhibit at the Modern Art Museum. A sample of the hysteria:
“There are images on display at this museum that are grossly inappropriate at best. They should be taken down immediately and investigated by law enforcement for any and all potential criminal violations. Children must be protected, and decency must prevail.” -- Tarrant County Judge Tim O’Hare (O’Hare, by the way, is trying to engineer a mid-decade redrawing of the county’s commissioners districts in hopes to dislodging a Democratic commissioner. For decency’s sake, of course.)
“This is emblematic of what happens when the culture of a city is focused on growth and business only. If you’re not also focused on upholding moral standards, this kind of degeneracy creeps in. Our wonderful museums should be promoting excellence instead of radical perversion. These values are indistinguishable from San Francisco’s.” Tarrant County Republican Party Chairman Bo French. (Ooooh, burn!)
“Protecting society’s most vulnerable, particularly our children, was a key motivator for my decision to run for office. It is crucial that our legal framework leaves no room for predators to misuse the realm of art to display child nudity. Should any loopholes exist, we are prepared to address and eliminate them in the upcoming legislative session in Texas.” House District 91 State Representative-elect David Lowe (Personally, now that I know “protecting our children” is his motivation for public office, I will keep a suspicious eye on him.)
To be honest, I have not looked at the relevant photos. The pictures may be over-the-top offensive. But I suspect their outrage is not an artistic judgment, but rather the reaction of Christian Nationalist prudes to yet another appearance of their dreaded enemy, modernity.
It’s fitting this is happening in Tarrant County. It will be the last of the state’s five biggest counties to go blue, but the trendlines are inexorable. The revanchist behavior of Bo French, Tom O’Hare and their ilk will probably accelerate this process, their bleating about protecting children notwithstanding.
[i] For my grammarian friends: can one actually “deadpan sarcastically?” Thoughts in the comments, please.
Trenchant, as always. And I was impressed by your knowledge of "Mercator" map projection. That's obscure knowledge. Wish you'd let me know you were gonna be talking to Felt, via Ouija board, I suppose. I'd still like to have listened in.
When I visited the Rijksmuseum and the Louve, I did not know to avert my eyes from the putti in sculpture or on canvas. Surely, the dangers to the Dutch and French children should have informed curators' decisions. 😉