Love’s a Word I Always Throw Around

… with apologies to Robert Earl Keen

Welcome to another installment of Life Its Ownself. I offer insight, analysis and context on Texas and national politics, as well as entertaining stories of life its ownself in the Lone Star State. If you like what you read, please 1) smash the Like button at the bottom of this installment, 2) subscribe to this newsletter, and 3) tell your 1,000 best friends to read and subscribe. Also, feel free to comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

But first, your moment of Zen … Christmas lights decorate my neighbor’s home in Marathon, Texas, December 15, 2024.

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Sunday, December 15, 2024

Friday, I made the 400-mile drive from my home in Austin to my home in Marathon. The first 150 of so miles – out past Harper – were dreary, with cold, drizzling rain and roads that were a little too slick for my taste. Past Junction, though, the weather cleared and I rolled under sun-drenched skies into the western reaches of the Hill Country and the big, wonderful expanses of West Texas. My companion on this trek was my Apple playlist, which I put on shuffle to vary the tunes.

I crossed the Pecos River, which for me and many others is a spiritual moment, like crossing the River Jordan. Not long after, Robert Earl Keen’s “Love’s a Word I Never Throw Around” came on.

“Love’s a Word” is one of my favorite songs. Keen included it in his West Textures album, published when he was only 30. If you’re not familiar with it, here’s a wiser, grizzled REK singing the song:

The chorus goes:

Love's a word I never throw around
So when I say, "I love you 'til the end"
I'm talking 'bout until the day they lay me in the ground
Love's a word I never throw around.

As I rolled through the empty country I reflected on how I’d lived by that credo for the first 55 years of my life. In all but my most signficant relationships, I never used the word, figuring it meant, not just deeply felt emotion, but a commitment to that relationship that would transcend space and time. I did not want to make that implied promise carelessly – to “throw it around.”

To be honest, I was also uncomfortable with the intimacy the word suggested. I rarely felt worthy of a loving relationship, believing inside that I was deeply flawed and the other person would figure it out eventually. So, I hedged my bets and kept my options open, even when I was the grateful recipient of what seemed to be unconditional love.

And thus did some of the most powerful relationships of my life fade into nothingness, banished by my inability to lean into the love I was being offered.

After a while, that self-protective pattern became a self-fulfilling, and self-defeating, prophecy. As I grew older, walls I was putting up shrank the universe of people interested in and attracted to me.

Eventually, I realized that holding onto my love like it was a precious metal did not increase its value. I decided that love was a word I could always throw around. I got out of my own way and began to feel safe telling friends, family and the occasional love interest that I loved them. It became an easy part of my greetings to family, friends, and acquaintances.

It turns out – and this is no secret – the modern world is starved for love, for affirmation, for a kind word. In these venomous times of anonymous slander, public expressions of hate and vicious public policies, a supportive word or a hug can change someone’s day, or more. (There’s a reason Ted Lasso is so popular.)

If this resonates with you, I hope you will find a way to tell someone you love them during this holiday season. Or even better, tell a lot of people you love them – the checker at the grocery store who’s working a second shift to pay for her kids’ presents, the USPS/FedEx/UPS/Amazon delivery guy who’s been driving around like a madman since 7:00 a.m., the overwhelmed clerk at the post office assuring you the packages will get there on time.

More important, also pay it forward into next year, when the holidays’ good feelings have worn off and your gesture is more important than ever. For those of us that pay attention, January and beyond will be unsettling times. (That’s as nicely as I could put it.) We will all be able to use words of encouragement and support.

Remember, love’s a word to always throw around.