"Build the Wall!" Becomes "Build the Ballroom!"
The third assassination attempt upon Donald Trump in two years has taught the MAGA sheeple an important lesson: we need a bigger, better ballroom.
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Tuesday, April 28, 2026
Donald Trump has not attended a White House Correspondents Dinner since 2011, when he as a private citizen was on the receiving end of a master class takedown by Barack Obama.
That changed Saturday night, as President Donald Trump and his lovely wife Ivana Marla Stormy Melania sat at the dais of the first White House Correspondents Dinner he had deigned to attend as President.
Shots rang out.
The Secret Service sprang into action, evacuating Vice President J.D. Vance and multiple Cabinet officials while leaving Trump and White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen “Nosferatu” Miller momentarily unattended. Fifteen seconds later, after what must have seemed an eternity to the President, the Secret Service evacuated him from the room, throwing him to the ground for good measure on the way out.
Miller, meanwhile, took cover behind his pregnant wife, thoughtfully protecting her right breast for their Rosemary’s Baby-to-be.
Fortunately, no one was killed in the attack.
“We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Ballroom.”
Soon after, the President addressed reporters anxious for his health and safety at the White House. As would any man who’d been confronted with his own mortality – the third assassination attempt in less than two years – Trump waxed philosophical as he briefed the press:
“And I didn’t want to say this, but this is why we have to have all of the attributes of what we’re planning at the White House. It’s actually a larger room [Ed. note: It’s not.] and it’s much more secure. It’s got, it’s drone proof. It’s bulletproof glass. We need the ballroom. That’s why Secret Service, that’s why the military are demanding it. They’ve wanted the ballroom for 150 years for lots of different reasons, but today’s a little bit different because today we need levels of security that probably nobody’s ever seen before.”
A Ludicrous Assertion.
One its face, Trump’s claim that we need a ballroom so he can host the White House Correspondents Dinner is farcical. The WHCD was a private event, not a state dinner. And, given Trump’s distaste for the media, it is unlikely he would host them on the White House grounds. In fact, given Trump’s distaste for the media, it is unlikely they’d ask to have their dinner on the White House grounds. Trump played “will he or won’t he?” with the White House Correspondents Association up until last week, when he surprised them by agreeing to attend. Can you imagine the games he’d play if he controlled access to the venue?
Besides, the ballroom at the Hilton holds up to 2,670 people for banquet seating. The proposed White House ballroom will hold only 999 people.
Trump’s obsession with building a ballroom where the East Wing used to stand is well known. And he has always argued that his insistence upon, and extra-legal action to build, a ballroom was the continuation of 150 years of presidential insistence on such a structure.
The Historical Record.
Now, I am not an historian, but I consider myself conversant in the broad sweep of American history. I had never heard of the desire for a gigantic ballroom in the White House or on its grounds.
For most of our presidents, the West Wing was where the power and the decision-making resided. Historically, the East Wing was relegated to the womenfolk, leaving them free to pursue their frivolous vanity projects, from highway beautification to family literacy to, in the case of our current First Lady, to “be[ing] best.”
I decided to dig into the history of this request, and you can imagine my surprise when I came across the following in the voluminous historical record of our great presidents.
Thomas Jefferson, to John Adams, 1818:
“Indeed, I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just, and that Madison did not include an enormous ballroom when he rebuilt the President’s House after the War of 1812.”
Abraham Lincoln, from his Second Inaugural Address, 1865:
“With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds, and especially to build a magnificent, gilded ballroom on the grounds of the People’s House.”
William Seward, after the death of Lincoln, April 15, 1865:
“Now he belongs to the ages. If only we’d built a ballroom where the East Wing is, so we could have watched ‘My American Cousin’ in total security and spacious elegance.”
Theodore Roosevelt, Second Inaugural Address, 1905:
“Our forefathers faced certain perils which we have outgrown. We now face other perils, the very existence of which it was impossible that they should foresee. Modern life is both complex and intense, which is why we should build a large, overwhelming ballroom where the East Wing now sits. Bully!”
Franklin Roosevelt, April 1938:
“I never forget that I live in a house owned by all the American people and that I have been given their trust. I wish they’d given me a huge ballroom, too, worthy of this great nation and its leaders to come.”
John F. Kennedy, remarks honoring Nobel Prize winners of the Western Hemisphere, April 29, 1962:
“I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone. I can only regret, as Jefferson must have, that we do not have an immense, gilded ballroom is which to entertain you.”
George W. Bush, on the campaign trail in 2000:
“It’s time to restore honor and dignity to the White House. And I will start by building a monstrous, gaudy ballroom that every President since Lincoln has wanted.”
Maybe now, in the crisis of the moment, we will finally act to fulfill Jefferson’s greatest wish.
Excellent dive into history, or, in this case, a cannonball. Great splash.
Before reading this latest posting, I thought it impossible that our president was so well-versed in our nation’s history. Here i thought it was just another whim of. The national grifter… like the big arch to obscure the Lincoln Memorial. Thank you Deece for shining a light on this important piece of our past.